Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
