the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
