Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
