So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
