is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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