I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
