I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
