I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
