OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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