Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
