You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
