Christians are straight up FREAKS
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
