We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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