He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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