I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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