Michael Bay diarrhea
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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