dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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