I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
