Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
