i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
