yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
