Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize