ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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