i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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