wrigley field is MILF paradise
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
