I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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