Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
