Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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