Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
