sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
