3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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