yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize