when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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