I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
