I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
