I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
