What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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