my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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