She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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