I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
