I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
