I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
