Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
