No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
