I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
