Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
