tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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