Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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