I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize