shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize