Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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