It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
