Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
