I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
