Im at strip club and am horny
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
