Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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