you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize