I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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