she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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