Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
