i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
