....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize