I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
