just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize