Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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